Sarita

It was 9 am in the morning and I was irritated with the fact that today also I had to mop and dust my room and wash clothes before starting for my lectures. It was the thirteenth day of Naina mausi’s absence from work. I decided that today I will have to speak to our hostel warden to replace her with some other maid.

I was in this state of irritated mind when I heard a soft knock at my door. I opened it to find the culprit with a broad giggle and a red box of sweets at her hand. Before I could say anything Naina mausi with all her guthka stained teeth told me… ‘Madam kuch mat kahiye… mere bête ne achanak ek ladki bhagake le aaya aur hum log un dono ka shaadi ke liye gao gaya the” (Madam don’t tell anything… my son had eloped with a girl and we went to our native place to get them married). With this, she handed me the box of sweets and suddenly from her behind a fragile looking girl emerged with broad sindoor and glittering bindi. Mausi introduced the girl to me as Sarita.

Ever since the re-advent of Mausi, I could only get her occasional glimpses at the University visitors benches chatting with her fellow mates or at one of the balconies of our hostel drying her hair. However I had no complaints against her because nowadays Sarita was doing the entire work. In fact I was quite happy because Mausi was an undaunted soul and I had almost accepted the fact that during my hostel life I will have to adjust to the collar stained tops, dirt hemmed jeans and greasy floors. But my premonitions came to end since the arrival of Sarita.

As the days passed by, I became particularly fond of Sarita. I discovered that she had just stepped to her eighteenth year when she eloped with Ganpat, who like Naina Mausi was a fourth class staff of University of Mumbai and was employed as watchman for the Garware building. She also narrated her experience while eloping with Ganpat.

Sarita had met Ganpat, when he had come for his friend’s marriage at Barur village near south Solapur district. The girl who was married to Ganpat’s friend was neighbor of Sarita. She fell in love with Ganpat on the first glimpse itself. When I asked her that why she had to elope, Sarita told me that she had two elder sisters, who were yet to be married and hence she was quite sure that her parents wouldn’t have agreed to Ganpat’s proposal. Besides, she was also sure that with the present financial conditions of her family it would have been impossible for her father to marry off three daughters. When I asked what she liked about Ganpat, she coyly said that Ganpat had an amazing brown complexion and a well built body.

Months passed and I was quite content with my new maid and it seemed that days of my dirty hemmed jeans and collar stained tops were gone. One morning Sarita came late. I was just going out my lectures when she stood at my door smiling. She said she was coming from the hospital and just got know that she was two months pregnant. I was happy but concerned for her. Knowing Naina Mausi, I was quite sure that the old lady will continue dozing off at one of the University benches and this poor girl will have to undergo regular tasks throughout her pregnancy. I thought of putting up this matter with our warden but kept quiet thinking that although Sarita will get rid of her present hardships at the hostel but Naina Mausi will surely not let her sit idle and put her to some other place for work. After all this is what it happens to the women whose only abode is at in laws’ place. So, I tried to help Sarita by taking to the other girls of the hostel so that they don’t give any her any heavy work to do. Also I shared half of her job, which she was assigned to do for me.

It was one day during fifth month of Sarita’s pregnancy, when she came to me with tears in her eyes. When I asked what happened she told me that Ganpat was having fever every night since past one month and now he was admitted to a municipal hospital. She told that doctors are suspecting him with Malaria. When I asked why wasn’t he taken to doctor earlier, and then she said that he was under medication of some local physician but couldn’t be cured.

Two days passed since Sarita told me about Ganpat and she didn’t come to work. I tried to search for Naina Mausi but couldn’t spot her anywhere. Two months were left for my MA finals exams but I couldn’t concentrate at my studies. It was at this point I decided that I need to get rid of my anxiety and found out from a University watchman about the hospital, where Ganpat was admitted. I could finally manage to locate Ganpat and the news which I got there was far beyond my expectation.

Ganpat was suffering from last stage of AIDS. His well built body which enticed Sarita to elope with him was reduced to a mere skeleton and anyone could make out that his days were numbered. I saw Sarita there with blank eyes but was not sure whether she understood what has happened to Ganpat. Naina Mausi’s wails grew louder whenever she saw any nurse, doctor or visitors entering to the hospital ward. I could also sense that somehow she blamed Sarita for all these ills. I took Sarita to a corner and I asked her whether she exactly understood what had happened. At this she started crying and said that it was all her ill luck that her husband was dying today. When I suggested her to undergo HIV tests, she looked at me vaguely and said what could happen to her… after all it was her husband who was dying!

Ganpat died after a week and hardships of Sarita multiplied. I heard from one of the maids that Naina Mausi have been torturing Sarita since Ganpat’s death. She made Sarita responsible for her son’s fate and even claimed that the child, whom she was carrying, was not her son’s. I was very worried for Sarita both because of the treatment she was getting from her in laws during her mid pregnancy and also because of the probability of her getting infected with HIV.

I called up Sunita, one of my friends from Sociology department, who was working voluntarily with an NGO. I narrated her entire incident and she promised me to help Sarita. The NGO authorities took in charge of Sarita and I discovered that my nightmare came true. Sarita was HIV positive.

My MA finals got over and it was time for me to vacate the hostel. Meanwhile I also got a job at one of the top media companies. I shifted to a working hostel and my new schedule kept me so busy that I lost touch with all my University friends and acquaintances. It was around four years after when I spotted Sunita’s profile through a social networking site. She was working as a HR professional for a leading multinational firm. When I asked her about the NGO, with which she was once associated and which took in charge of Sarita, she said she was no longer in touch with the organization. However she said that she had some friends there and promised me to get some news about Sarita.

Two days later Sunita called me up. She told me that Sarita had passed away two months after giving birth to a baby girl. The girl is now three and half years old and is HIV positive. However the doctors say that she is quite healthy and is expected to survive for another few years. When Sunita asked me whether I wanted to meet the girl or not, I said no.

Search for newness

At times I feel that life is a ceaseless journey... Its like connecting trains where we keep on changing locomotives to reach our final destination. When we reach one destination, some other destination calls us with open hands and then again another journey starts. Hence I say that life is a ceaseless journey.

Like many others, I am also packing my bags to start a new journey... this time it is a journey in my career. The anticipations are high but time will tell whether my new journey will be smooth or bumpy.

Since yesterday night I have been wondering, why do we need a change? We are never happy with what we have around and hence continually seek for newness. To justify our search of newness we formulate various reasons so that we ourselves are convinced that whatever new steps we are taking is better than our existing surrounding. But delving deep into the heart, I confess that I am been constantly doubtful that- Do we take new steps just to approach a better life or is it just a search for something new in life?

Just a passing thought

It seems that my writing habit is reaching extinction day by day… It has become like a flickering candle in a stormy night, which is striving had to keep its last breath alive. Well, what can be referred to as a storm then? I am not sure… Except for few passing grieves I am not unhappy!

I think the storm may be our day to existence, where we assume different roles in our personal and professional lives. At time I wonder why did I take so many responsibilities on me. I could have been a vagabond dancing to my own composed tune. But then again I wonder would I be a happy being a vagabond? After all no body cares for a vagabond! There would be no husband, no parents, no friends…. NO… How I shiver at this thought!

Hmmm… probably I am suffering a state of Nothingness. I can only see a huge road ahead. I am travelling through that road in a car whose key has suddenly vanished. Or is it that I have thrown the key to some dark pitfall? I don’t know!

I think I need a break….

FATE

Fate- a word, which is used over 1000 times in human life. A word, which decides your existence.

But what exactly is fate? I think fate cannot be defined in words. Instead it can be felt through various experiences as you go on in your life. It is like the air, which cannot be seen but can be felt. It can turn your life into a heaven and drop you in suffering of hell.

There are some, whom I know, don’t believe in the word ‘fate’. But it surely exists. Otherwise how is it so that two individuals with same root, means and compatibility land in two different spheres? Well, for those who are very practical and judge the things through scientific proofs, fate is a permutation of the time and situation. If the combination of these two matches, then you succeed or else you fall.

However it is also true that the success cannot be fully dependent on the fate. There are some practical factors like hard work, dedication, planning etc., which makes your way clean. But in cases it is seen that in spite of all these, fate doesn’t pay you well and you do not get what you deserve.

Ancient Indian philosophers said that a human life depends on his own fate, which is written for him much prior to his birth. Leaving aside the debated topic of pre natal concept, the idea stands true till to date. Fate differs from person to person and his course of events depends partially on it.

So next time when a dark failure looms you and makes you fall down and down, sit back and think that although you did not deserve this dark phase, yet you are enduring it because of your inborn fate.